GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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