you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
