i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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