I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
