A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
