i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
