I wish I could punch you in the face.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
