Man, jail baloney is awful.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
you never un-have a 4some
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
