And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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