you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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