I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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