The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
