hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
