I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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