Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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