i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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