i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
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