I looked at my own cervix.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
