Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
