We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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