I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize