I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
where does the pee come out of this thing
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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