All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
