I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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