The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
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He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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