weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
