Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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