it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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