Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
