This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
