adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
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We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
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It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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