he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
