i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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