worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
