My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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