True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
