Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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