OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
