I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
