Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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