Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
