i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
