apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
