i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
