I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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