you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
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You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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