U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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