My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Randomize
