So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
