As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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