Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
