thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
