She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
