What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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