I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
