I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
