at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
