I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
The adults are the big ones right?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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