Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
