I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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