I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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