I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
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in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
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At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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