Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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