The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
